Dentists, Dry Cleaners And Insurance Agents Make The Best Birthday Friends.

I’m miffed. I spent five minutes finding just the right card for my owner’s birthday, and all I got was a pat on the head.

My card showed a mugshot of a cat, with the verse reading:

“Guilty of stalking. May birthday happiness follow you everywhere…day and night…always there…every freakin’ moment.”

I thought it was a very nice sentiment. Most Hallmark sentiments usually are.

But I’m a cat and will not fight for my owner’s affections. If he thinks birthday cards from his dentist and dry cleaner are more thoughtful, fine. He can keep filing them in his birthday-card folder.

That’s right. He saves them.

Which explains why I’m sitting here looking at cards from Blockbuster, Wieners & Wine, Gold Rush BBQ, Bath & Racquet Fitness, Coke Rewards, the White House and Fiona’s Fondue Palace.

Wait a minute. Where’s State Farm?

He always gets a card from State Farm. They’re close personal friends. I wonder what’s up with that?

He paid his premium.