Somebody Please Bring Me A St. Pauli Girl.

Well, this is a first. If a grocery-store clerk doesn’t drink alcohol, don’t expect him to be familiar with beer brands or to even know where the beer aisle is.

Last week HQ Cat watched as a customer at the checkout waited for a clerk to bring out a 12-pack of St. Pauli Girl. As instructed by the cashier, the clerk was to first check the beer aisle just in case the potentially stupid beer customer overlooked seeing it (you never know when a beer drinker might mistake a Bud Light for a St. Pauli Girl).

Anyway, if the shelf was officially proven to be bare, the clerk was to traipse back to the stockroom and find the St. Pauli Girl.

HQ Cat supposes the clerk decided to first search behind the piled bags of Tidy Cat, because a long time went by.

Meanwhile, the customer, clearly irate, asked the cashier why it was taking so long.

“Well, sir, you have to understand,” the cashier replied, rolling her eyes and making sure the next customer in line wasn't stuffing her melting frozen burrito behind the Burt’s Bees Lip Balm.

“Our clerk doesn’t drink, so he doesn’t know where the beer is.”

Oh, so that’s the hold-up.

Thank the dear Lord the clerk wasn’t a lactose-intolerant snack-food junkie menopausal vegetarian, because he would have never found Tom and Jerry, Little Debbie, Tampax Pearl or the Johnsonville Brats.

Somebody please bring HQ a St. Pauli.