End Piracy, Not Liberty.

Free knowledge makes me sleep better.

Sincerely,

HQ Cat

Holiday Wishes

Been a while since I posted, but just wanted to wish everyone a joyous holiday season and a bountiful 2012 ahead.

May it also be a year in which we remember to remember.

Very truly yours,

HQ Cat

National Veterans Day

November 11 will be a day to honor all military men and women who have served our country. HQ salutes all those who have made unselfish sacrifices -- seen or unseen, known or unknown, quietly or shared.

HQ

Monster Burger Dwarfed By Behemoth Bunloafa.

Too big for a bun. Too small for a loaf.

Meet the bunloafa.

Usage: The bunloafa that came out the human’s bread maker made his 15.2 ounce-burger look like a meatball. (See "Buns Should Fit The Meat' in archives for context.)

Buns Should Fit The Meat.

A male human in my immediate family decides to grill hamburgers outside.

He buys onion-toasted buns – eight of them pre-packaged into a 7.5” x 7.5” Cobblestone Mill bag.

Diameter of each bun: four inches.

He seasons the burger and shapes into two large patties. Diameter of each: six inches. Weight of each: 15.2 ounces. But let’s just round it off to a pound.

No way the four-inch onion-toasted buns are going to hold a six-inch burger, much less lettuce, tomato and onion.

So the male human decides to bake his own burger buns in the oven.

He removes his homemade creations at the appointed time.

Not only are the buns big enough for a three-pound burger, but they could accommodate a bottle of beer as well. (See photo.)

Still, let’s give it a go. Grill is heatin’ up….

About Time For Cooler Weather.

You caught me. I am so glad to say goodbye to September, aren't you? A cool dirt floor feels good.

HQ Cat

Somebody Please Bring Me A St. Pauli Girl.

Well, this is a first. If a grocery-store clerk doesn’t drink alcohol, don’t expect him to be familiar with beer brands or to even know where the beer aisle is.

Last week HQ Cat watched as a customer at the checkout waited for a clerk to bring out a 12-pack of St. Pauli Girl. As instructed by the cashier, the clerk was to first check the beer aisle just in case the potentially stupid beer customer overlooked seeing it (you never know when a beer drinker might mistake a Bud Light for a St. Pauli Girl).

Anyway, if the shelf was officially proven to be bare, the clerk was to traipse back to the stockroom and find the St. Pauli Girl.

HQ Cat supposes the clerk decided to first search behind the piled bags of Tidy Cat, because a long time went by.

Meanwhile, the customer, clearly irate, asked the cashier why it was taking so long.

“Well, sir, you have to understand,” the cashier replied, rolling her eyes and making sure the next customer in line wasn't stuffing her melting frozen burrito behind the Burt’s Bees Lip Balm.

“Our clerk doesn’t drink, so he doesn’t know where the beer is.”

Oh, so that’s the hold-up.

Thank the dear Lord the clerk wasn’t a lactose-intolerant snack-food junkie menopausal vegetarian, because he would have never found Tom and Jerry, Little Debbie, Tampax Pearl or the Johnsonville Brats.

Somebody please bring HQ a St. Pauli.