Deft And Blind

Today I landed in the middle of a Dunkin’ Donuts and overheard two customers complaining about their high health-insurance premiums. “I’ve been re-rated again,” says Bald Man, waving a coffee-stained letter in the air. “Exact same form letter I get every six months. Nothin’ ever changes except for the little space to drop in the new amount. No muss, no fuss, no face-to-face accountability. So I wrote ‘em this time. Emailed the CEO himself.”

“Did you have surgery or somethin’ this year?” his friend asked, reaching for his fourth Bavarian Kreme. “Everyone knows you get screwed if you make a claim.”

“Hell, no, “ Bald Man said. “Went in only one time for a sore throat. Listen to what they wrote back. It’s personally stamped by the Compliance Consultant of Regulatory Affairs.”

Dear Mr. Bald Man:

I am sorry you were not pleased with our impersonal re-rate notification and am glad you expressed your concern. We do value your business and your opinion. This enables us to look at areas in which improvement is necessary. From time to time we do modify our re-rate notifications. For instance, you’ll see that the signature on this notification is stamped with my new married name.

While we understand no one likes rate increases, I would like to explain yours in greater detail. Your plan has received two types of rate adjustments, an age adjustment and a standard increase. Neither is based on your own personal claims history, although I did see you had a sore throat back in January. You know, something you might want to try in the future is a self-examination. If you do this early enough, you can buy some fruity cough drops and avoid those pesky co-pays. And so can we.

We must treat you the same as any other insured. We cannot reduce your premiums. We can only increase them. However, we do value your business and look forward to meeting your insurance needs and collecting your money. Tell you what. As a gesture of good will, I personally invite you to visit our website for a 5% discount on any over-the-counter generic multi-grain cough syrup. Enjoy!

OK, readers, I’ll admit I made up a few parts of the letter. But most of it is true. I should have ordered some glazed cream-filleds and joined in on Bald Man's conversation. But who wants to talk about insurance companies that are deft and blind?