Only Time Will Tell If "Womanity" Falls Flat.

A new word has thudded into the global marketing ground: “Womanity.”

Clarins Fragrance Group and Thierry Mugler have created womanity.com and want to know what "Womanity" means to you.

Answers will be collected and possibly used to develop luxury fragrance and fashion products.

From what I can tell, the ultimate goal is to cash in on internet crowdsourcing and bring the Thierry Mugler brand “to a new frontier.” Don’t worry, though. Mugler is “not suddenly giving up his role as a creator.” The dialogue between creator and crowds is just being “enriched.”

Against a background of brooding music, the site opens with:

Womanity is me. Womanity is you. Womanity is her.

And just when you think it can’t get any better, you’re treated to definitions from real women who, for whatever reason, feel the need to express their “Womanity.” I’m not including the responses because most remind me of that hear-me-roar song by Helen Reddy, “I Am Woman” recorded in 1972.

Which is my point.

There’s nothing new here except a marketing-purposed word that’s hard to pronounce. Plus, I’ve never been a fan of empowering sisterhoods, all-female networking groups and girls’ night-outs.

Why do we perpetuate the need to be defined by gender?

Remove the “ity” from “Womanity.” Add it to “human.”

That’s the group I belong to.

And it's much easier to pronounce.

Nacho Way To Win Loyal Customers.

OK, I’m still on my birthday rant. My owner just received cards from two more friends he never knew he had: his optometrist from five years ago and a Mexican food diner where he ate only once.

Nice for the Mexican food place to remember him. I can’t blame them for sending along a coupon since it could help their business in these tough economic times.

But my owner tossed the coupon in the trash. It was for a free meal, up to $8.99, with these caveats:

1. Minimum party of 12 required; no separate checks.

2. Appetizers and desserts not included.

3. Tuesdays only, 3 to 5 p.m.

4. Reservations must be made 14 days in advance.

5. Seating available in our almost-remodeled section (excuse noise).

6. We reserve the right to recycle uneaten portions for future guests.

7. No doggie bags permitted. See No. 6.

8. Clear your own table and you may be eligible to enter a drawing to receive future coupons.

So guess what?

Next week my owner’s going to get his eyes checked.

Dentists, Dry Cleaners And Insurance Agents Make The Best Birthday Friends.

I’m miffed. I spent five minutes finding just the right card for my owner’s birthday, and all I got was a pat on the head.

My card showed a mugshot of a cat, with the verse reading:

“Guilty of stalking. May birthday happiness follow you everywhere…day and night…always there…every freakin’ moment.”

I thought it was a very nice sentiment. Most Hallmark sentiments usually are.

But I’m a cat and will not fight for my owner’s affections. If he thinks birthday cards from his dentist and dry cleaner are more thoughtful, fine. He can keep filing them in his birthday-card folder.

That’s right. He saves them.

Which explains why I’m sitting here looking at cards from Blockbuster, Wieners & Wine, Gold Rush BBQ, Bath & Racquet Fitness, Coke Rewards, the White House and Fiona’s Fondue Palace.

Wait a minute. Where’s State Farm?

He always gets a card from State Farm. They’re close personal friends. I wonder what’s up with that?

He paid his premium.

Sears Appliance Ad Leaves Us Out In The Cold.

What do you call a penguin walking in the desert? Lost. Which is how I felt when I read a full-page Sears appliance ad in the newspaper announcing, “YOU ARE THE REAL STARS.”

In the background were 25 photos of smiling families, accompanied by nine manufacturer logos and this message:

“Because of you, Sears is the 2010 ENERGY STAR Partner of the Year. To celebrate, we’re taking an extra 5% off all ENERGY STAR qualified appliances.”

Do you know what ENERGY STAR is?

Neither do I. Where did this award come from? Did Sears give it to itself? Is it some kind of annual retailer’s award?

Curiosity kills the cat, but not Harlequin Cat. After sniffing around, I discovered that ENERGY STAR is “the trusted, government-backed symbol for energy efficiency helping us all save money and protect the environment through energy-efficient products and practices.”

Impressive -- even more so when I learned that ENERGY STAR qualified refrigerators are 20% more energy-efficient than the minimum federal standard.

And just recently, 21 LG Electronics and Kenmore refrigerator models were delisted because they didn't meet ENERGY STAR standards.

Why didn’t Sears explain to readers why its award was relevant?

It would have meant more than the extra 5% discount.